Sieve or Sponge?
What thoughts am I sponging? What am I sieving? What can I start to notice instead?
Over the years, we’ve developed a preferred way of dealing with our feelings, like habit or prejudice. We feel comfortable because we are used to it. However, it can mislead us, especially when we are down or emotional. We focus on what matches our feelings.
For example, when we feel depressed, we notice more sad and negative things about our life, past, others, and future. When we’re anxious, we think about and notice everything that makes us more anxious, and we tend to see danger around us. It’s like the sieve and sponge in our heads!
When we’re depressed, we soak up all the negatives and trap them in our sponge, while any more realistic and useful positives escape through the sieve of our minds.
When we’re anxious, we soak up and hold everything that tells us we’re in danger in our mind sponge, all the evidence to the contrary escapes through our sieve.
When you find yourself getting hooked by these sticky thoughts, ask yourself “What am I sponging? What am I sieving?” Then take action to turn things around.
The sieve has two features that make it an ideal metaphor for how our minds work:
1. The Sieve is open on one side
Just as a sieve is open to anything that comes up, so we can keep an open mind to anything that comes up;
In this openness, we allow ourselves to acknowledge and welcome information we do not know;
With this awareness, we can allow ourselves to explore things that may surprise us;
In this surprise, we are able to discover new beliefs and thought patterns that can enrich our lives.
It’s like the sieve and sponge in our heads!
When we’re depressed, we soak up all the negatives and trap them in our sponge, while any more realistic and useful positives escape through the sieve of our minds.
2. It has a boundary on the other side
As open a sieve is on one side, it is carefully crafted with a boundary on the other.
So, while the sieve is open to all that comes its way, it allows only what is useful, to pass through the pores on its boundary, through the other side.
We can be as open as we want, to ideas and information, but all that matters is, that we are aware of which of those ideas and information can truly add value to our lives.
Essentially, we can train our minds to function as sieves, in a way that it is open to possibilities, but at the same time, it is aware of the boundary which can draw a line between;
What is healthy, and what is not;
What is productive, and what is not;
What adds value, and what does not.
All we need to do is, become aware of what we are exposed to, and what we need to retain from that exposure.
Here are some worksheets relating to Emotion Regulation and Sieve or Sponge:
