Bullying in the Family
A family member who is bullying you may:
- Have unrealistic expectations or make unreasonable demands
- Blame you when things go wrong
- Invalidate your thoughts and feelings by undermining, minimising, or dismissing you or your thoughts
- Create chaos in your life by starting arguments, nitpicking, or making contradictory statements
- Use emotional blackmail as a way to control you or make you feel guilty
- Act superior or condescending and attempt to one-up you or prove you wrong
- Make jokes at your expense or be sarcastic and demeaning in their interactions
- Cut you down or exaggerate your weaknesses and flaws as a way to make you feel inferior
- Accuse you of being selfish, needy, or not committed to the family
- Give you the silent treatment or attempt to get other family members to turn against you or shun you
How to confront a bully in the family:
1. Establish Boundaries
It’s important to create firm boundaries between you and the bully. If a family member is bullying you:
- Know your limits and your values. These realisations will help you develop appropriate boundaries. For instance, maybe you don’t mind a few jokes or occasional teasing, but you draw the line at name-calling.
- Listen to your emotions and feelings. Take some time to think about how your family member’s actions make you feel. These feelings and emotions will provide you with clues on what you want to change or what you can no longer tolerate.
- Value yourself and your needs. Don’t feel guilty about setting and enforcing boundaries. Your wants and needs are valid and so are your feelings. You don’t have to tolerate bad behaviour just for the sake of the family
- Make self-care a priority. When you establish boundaries, you are taking care of your emotional, physical, and mental health.
2. Avoid Getting Emotional
When dealing with a family bully, remain calm and avoid acting out in anger or frustration. Remember you cannot control the bully, but you can control your reaction. Remain in control of your emotions and try to disengage from any interaction with the bully.
3. Speak to Someone You Trust
Sometimes it can help to share the details of your experience with a trusted friend. The key is to find someone you can confide in. Steer clear of gossip, but look for someone who will support you when a bullying incident occurs.
4. Recharge and make time for you
Being around a family member that bullies you can be draining and impact your health in negative ways. If you have to spend time with someone because of a family event like a wedding, a funeral, or a baby shower, plan to take time for yourself afterward. Go for a walk. Read a good book. Get a massage.
5. Assert Yourself
Anytime someone bullies you, it’s important that you learn how to stand up for yourself. Being assertive means that you are honest about how you feel without acting aggressively, engaging in name-calling, or being a bully yourself. Be specific about the problem without getting emotional.
Here are some more resources for bullying within the family:
