Anger Management
“We all feel angry sometimes, often when there’s a good reason. Uncontrolled anger can be harmful, but you can learn to manage it.”
Know the Warning Signs
Managing your anger effectively means recognizing the warning signs. If you’re able to identify when you’re starting to get angry, you’ll be better prepared to stop yourself from getting really worked up and lashing out, or being around when someone else does. Some warning signs are:
- Heart starts pounding
- Breathing becomes faster and shallower
- Suddenly feeling hot or chilled
- Face feels flushed
- Head or neck pain
- Stomach distress
- Grinding teeth
- Pacing or fidgeting
- Muscle tension in arms, back, neck, or shoulders
- Clenching jaw and/or fists
Suppressing anger
Anger can come in different forms. Sometimes, it’s sudden verbal outbursts, sometimes aggression, and sometimes anger is suppressed and slowly boils.
In certain cases, suppressed anger such as: toward someone who had hurt you or your family etc. The aftermath of what they caused can be so difficult to deal with, the thought of someone telling you to try and forgive them can be infuriating. Why should I forgive them? Why should they just get away with it? Instead you push those feelings towards the pit of your stomach and hope you’d soon get over it.
Reasons for Anger problems:
1. Unhappiness at work
2. Problems within Relationships
3. Not Achieving your goals
4. Feeling disrespected by others
5. Underlying Health issues
6. Not knowing how you feel
7. Trauma or hurtful event
There are many ways in which you can learn to manage your anger and there are loads of people who struggle with anger in their daily lives, so you are not alone.
How to control and manage your anger
1. Breathe
When you’re angry beyond belief, there’s nothing more you can do than just breathe and take back control of your body. Slowly breathe in and out. Spend some time deep breathing as soon as you feel triggered so you can regain your mental clarity. Simple as that.
2. Count
It may sound silly, but slowly counting to 10 is a healthy way to immediately relieve some built up tension. Why? Because it focuses your mind on the specific task of taking care of yourself first. Anger causes your blood pressure and heart rate to rise so counting to whatever number is appropriate for you will give your body a chance to cool off and slow down your breathing so you can get some time to think before saying or doing something you might regret.
3. Keep a journal or log about your anger
Dealing with anger is much easier when you know what you’re angry about. Sometimes people may feel generally irritable because of stress, sleep deprivation or other factors; more often, there’s a specific reason for an angry outburst. Either way, you can become more aware of what’s behind your anger if you keep an anger journal.
Record the angry feelings you experienced, what factors contributed to your anger and how you responded to it. Try to write down the thoughts that were going through your mind and the time, and then reflect on these instances and see if there’s any sort of pattern to your anger outbursts.
4. Visualize peace
Imagine your breath as a wave, a surge of color blowing in the wind. Watch it come in and out; each breath will become deeper and quieter as you visualize your anger floating away. Hear yourself speaking calmly and softly to yourself and to others. Your anger reflex should diminish another degree each time you do this imaging.
5. Embrace confrontation
Someone ticked you off? Tell the person — in a healthy, positive, constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised, possibly even angered, by your words. But you know what? He or she will get over it and appreciate your respectful communication approach.
6. Exercise
The hormones that we release when we are angry — mainly cortisol and adrenaline — are similar to those produced when we are stressed to help us to escape from danger. When you exercise regularly, your body learns how to regulate your adrenaline and cortisol levels more effectively. Also, people who are physically fit have more optimum levels of endorphins; endorphins are hormones that make you feel good and therefore less likely to feel angry.
7. Take some time
When you’re angry, look at your watch. Let the second hand sweep across the dial at least two minutes before you take any action. By then, you’ll have had time to think and can act in a more appropriate way. Plus, it’s Zen to watch time move.
You Don’t Have to Deal With Anger Alone
Remember — we’re all human and sometimes we let anger get the better of us. But just because you allow yourself to be angry doesn’t mean you also have to let anger rule your interactions with others, or spiral out of control. You aren’t alone, your feelings are valid and everyone gets angry, allow the emotion but watch it run over you rather than take over you.
