About: lois


Tools by author lois:

Titanic – Safe Certainty in Relationships

Posted on: 16 Nov 2022

Safe Certainty in Relationships As humans we all, at times, seek a sense of certainty and that some degree of certainty can help us move forward in our lives. However, sometimes this can lead to paralysis and lack of creativity. We need to learn to embrace the existence of uncertainty within this and in relationships.… Continue reading Titanic – Safe Certainty in Relationships

End or Mend

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

End or Mend Is this relationship healthy for me? How can I end or mend this relationship? Can I keep a door open? Focus on the problem, not the person When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem… Continue reading End or Mend

Talk the Talk

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Talk the Talk Communicate assertively. Smile – warm & friendly – relaxed – comfortable eye contact. Traits of Assertive Communicators • Clearly state needs and wants• Eye contact• Listens to others without interruption• Appropriate speaking volume• Steady tone of voice• Confident body language Assertiveness Tips Respect yourself. Your needs, wants, and rights are as important… Continue reading Talk the Talk

Maintain Relationships

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Maintain Relationships A relationship is like a tall, leafy tree. A tree requires a system of healthy roots to nourish and anchor the tree. As the roots grow, the tree also grows bigger, stronger, and more developed… Like the tree, your relationships with others also have roots. In order to grow a healthy relationship, the… Continue reading Maintain Relationships

Crystal Clear

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Crystal Clear Concise – Lucid & Logical – Emotion-free expression – Assertive – Realistic: these are some words that important to keep in mind when communicating with others. In order to ask for something out of the relationship with somebody, first you have to know what it is exactly that you want. This may not… Continue reading Crystal Clear

Ask or Say No

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Ask or Say No How can I ask someone what I really want to ask for? It’s OK to say no – I can say it in a way that is OK for me as well as the other person. It is important in all of our relationships that we feel capable of communicating with… Continue reading Ask or Say No


Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Reflect What can I learn about what happened? What went well? What didn’t go so well? What can I do differently next time? Reflections are a powerful tool to improve communication. This worksheet includes one page of education with an overview of how to use reflections (including tips and an example), followed by one page… Continue reading Reflect


Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Respect When interacting with others, to be effective, we want to keep the relationship in mind and do what we can to take care of it so it will continue and flourish, but never at the cost of our own values, self-respect, or needs. In any interpersonal situation, be mindful of these things to be… Continue reading Respect


Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Listen I have 2 ears and only one mouth! How can I show that I’m really listening? Play a short segment of a recorded music piece, or of a live instrumental performance.  Listen using reasonable mind.  Be analytical- (not judgmental)  just the facts.  Listen to the music logically.  Notice such things as what instruments are… Continue reading Listen

Pace and Plan

Posted on: 15 Nov 2022

Pace and Plan P.A.C.EWhen considering what you’re going to do each day, PACE yourself –keep a healthy balance of activities which include work, rest and play. PlayFun activities which give you a sense of enjoyment. These caninclude solo activities, and those with family or friendsAchievePurposeful activities which give you a sense of achievement orworthwhile-ness. Examples:… Continue reading Pace and Plan


Posted on: 14 Nov 2022

Balance The following skills will help you Everyone has these skills to a certain extent. We are all at least somewhat able to ask for something or say no. For example, you might be able to say no to more water at a restaurant but not to a friend asking for a favor. Maybe you… Continue reading Balance

Build Positive Experiences

Posted on: 14 Nov 2022

Build Positive Experiences Here’s a list of Pleasant List: 1. Working on my car 2. Planning a career 3. Getting out of (paying down) debt 4. Collecting things (baseball cards, coins, stamps, rocks, shells, etc.) 5. Going on vacation 6. Thinking how it will be when I finish school 7. Recycling old items 8. Going… Continue reading Build Positive Experiences

Opposite Action

Posted on: 14 Nov 2022

Opposite Action Doing the opposite of your emotional Urges There are several good reasons for feeling the way you feel, because how you feel is completely valid. The larger-problem is emotion-driven behaviour, because acting on emotions can often create destructive outcomes. For example: have you ever got angry and then you start shouting at somebody,… Continue reading Opposite Action

Sieve or Sponge

Posted on: 14 Nov 2022

Sieve or Sponge? What thoughts am I sponging? What am I sieving? What can I start to notice instead? Over the years, we’ve developed a preferred way of dealing with our feelings, like habit or prejudice. We feel comfortable because we are used to it. However, it can mislead us, especially when we are down… Continue reading Sieve or Sponge

Name the Emotion

Posted on: 13 Nov 2022

Name the Emotion Name your feelings When you’re feeling an emotion that is uncomfortable, unpleasant, or creating distress, take a moment to pause, take a deep breath, and name your emotion. Take an extra beat and get curious — find more specific words to define how you are feeling. In doing this, you activate your brain in a… Continue reading Name the Emotion

Self Care

Posted on: 13 Nov 2022

Self Care Sleep – Eating & Exercise – Look at other factors – Find fun, achievement and enjoyment – every day. Be kind to yourself! Heres some activities you can do: If the thoughts are taking control and you are finding it hard to relax please refer to the next activity below: 1. Take a… Continue reading Self Care


Posted on: 13 Nov 2022

Think Don’t believe everything you think! Thoughts are just thoughts. One Activity you can do is: Step One: Describe the Situation Think of a situation from the past where you felt overwhelmed with a lot of emotions. It can be about any aspect of your life. Describe the situation – what happened, where it happened, who… Continue reading Think

Keep Calm and Carry On

Posted on: 13 Nov 2022

Keep Calm and Carry On Focus on your chosen slogan or positive self talk statement to help you cope during distressing times KEEP CALM and USE YOUR DBT SKILLS: Positive Self Talk ‘I can do it. ‘ ‘I’m good enough. ‘ ‘If I want to, I can. ‘ ‘It doesn’t matter if I make a mistake. Just intentionally… Continue reading Keep Calm and Carry On

Wise Mind

Posted on: 08 Nov 2022

Wise Mind The wise mind is the ability to make healthy decisions about your life. Often, both intuition and wise mind are described as “feelings” that come from “the gut” or the stomach area. The exercise that follows will help you get more in touch with your gut feelings, both physically and mentally. This exercise… Continue reading Wise Mind

Describe your Emotion

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Describe your Emotion This is the fourth exercise of the Basic Mindfulness Skills, that will help you recognise and focus on your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. This exercise will ask you to choose an emotion and then describe that emotion by drawing it and exploring it. Ideally, you should choose an emotion that you’re… Continue reading Describe your Emotion

Thought Defusion

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Thought Defusion This Exercise will help you focus on your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Thought Defusion is a technique borrowed from acceptance and commitment therapy, which has proven to be a very successful treatment for emotional distress. When distressing thoughts keep happening, it’s easy to let them go on auto-pilot. in contrast, Thought Defusion… Continue reading Thought Defusion

Three Minutes of Thought

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Three Minutes of Thought This exercise will help you recognise and focus on your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in your body. In the exercise, you will look and identify the number of thoughts you have in three minute period. This will allow you to become more mindful of just how your mind really works… Continue reading Three Minutes of Thought

Self Soothe using your sense of Touch

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Self Soothe using your sense of Touch  Sense of Touch Take your favourite, soft blanket and wrap yourself or simply enjoy how it feels on your skin. Pet your animal and hold it in your lap. Wear comfortable clothes and enjoy how it feels on your skin. Take a shower or a bubble bath and… Continue reading Self Soothe using your sense of Touch

Fact or Opinion

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Fact or Opinion Ask yourself: Is this thought fact or opinion? Come back to the FACTS! Have you ever regretted your response to a situation? In the moment, our initial “knee-jerk” reaction seems like the most compelling option. We yell, run away, or say things that we don’t mean because that’s how we feel in… Continue reading Fact or Opinion


Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Drift Am I drifting? Is my attention wandering? Bring attention back to my chosen focus. The goal of the grounding technique is to help you get in the here and now. When you are overwhelmed with emotions you often stopping being present in the moment, and drift off into an inner world of thoughts, or… Continue reading Drift


Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Focus Where is my focus of attention? What am I thinking about? Where do I want to focus? Explore a fruit: Use Observe and Describe to explore an orange. What are the visual features, what does it feel like, and what does it smell like? Now, slowly start to peel the orange and continue to… Continue reading Focus

This Moment

Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

This Moment Focus on the here and now, in this moment. Say to yourself: ‘I am sitting’ or ‘I am walking’. ‘I am looking’ or ‘I am listening’. ‘I am breathing’. Notice the sensations of that activity in this moment. The DBT IMPROVE the Moment skills are intended as a menu of options you can… Continue reading This Moment


Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Observe Take the helicopter view! Pull back. What’s the bigger picture? Do you ever find your thoughts drift in the wrong direction? You are out taking a morning stroll, you want to be out enjoying the sunshine. But, your thoughts keep taking you off course. You keep thinking about whether you turned off the oven,… Continue reading Observe


Posted on: 07 Nov 2022

Breathe Breathe Focus attention on the breath. Imagine a balloon inflating on the in-breath, and deflating on the out-breath. Belly breathing:It’s common to fall into the habit of shallow breathing only within your chest. Instead, try belly breathing, which is also known as diaphragmatic breathing. Start by finding a comfortable place to sit down or… Continue reading Breathe


Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Values Values What are my values? What is really important to me? What can I do that will help me take a step towards my chosen life direction? Values exist, whether you recognize them or not. Life can be much easier when you acknowledge your values – and when you make plans and decisions that… Continue reading Values

Soothe Bag

Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Soothe Bag When we are very distressed, it is difficult to think rationally and to decide how to help ourselves. We can therefore resort to using self-destructive behaviours which may help at that moment, but can cause other problems later and in the long-term. It can be useful to keep an `Emergency` or `Soothe` bag… Continue reading Soothe Bag

Right Now

Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Right Now Look For 5 Things You Can See: Notice the wood grain on the desk in front of you. Or the precise shape of your fingernails. Become aware of the glossy green of the plant in the corner. Take your time to really look and acknowledge what you see. Become Aware Of 4 Things You Can Touch: The… Continue reading Right Now

Turn the Mind

Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Turn the Mind TURN THE MIND Choose to take the new resourceful and helpful way. Use a skill! If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got. DO ONE THING AT A TIME. When you are eating, eat. When you are walking, walk.  When you are bathing, bathe.  When… Continue reading Turn the Mind

Do One Thing

Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Do One Thing Do One Thing Do One Thing. Choose something to do. Do it mindfully. How long for? 20 minutes! Distract yourself with pleasurable activities: 1. Talk to a friend on the telephone 2. Get out of your house: go for a walk or sit outside 3. Eat your favourite ice cream or favourite… Continue reading Do One Thing


Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

Distract DISTRACT What can I do right now to help me focus on something else, instead of my distress? It’s important to call on your Wise Mind while using ACCEPTS. Distraction can all too easily turn to avoidance. One TV episode meant to take your mind off things can easily turn into a whole season and a… Continue reading Distract

It Will Pass

Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

It Will Pass IT WILL PASS Thoughts and feelings come and go. Situations change. Sometimes all we can do is keep going. It will pass. Worksheets and Exercises below to help:


Posted on: 06 Nov 2022

STOPP What is the STOP skill? STOP is an easy to remember mnemonic. Let’s look at what each letter stands for: S: Stop! Freeze in your tracks. Don’t move. Try visualizing a red STOP sign in front of you. Don’t react when your emotions are hot and filled with energy.Don’t let your emotions control you.… Continue reading Stopp

Self-Soothing Using Your Sense of Taste

Posted on: 04 Nov 2022

Self-Soothing Using Your Sense of Taste Self-soothing Using Your Sense of Taste is an example of DBT Our sense of Taste is very powerful. Often it can trigger memories and emotions therefore, it’s important to find tastes that are appetising to you. Our tongue has distinct regions of taste buds on it to differentiate flavours… Continue reading Self-Soothing Using Your Sense of Taste

Talk about Boundaries with GP Arabella Onslow

Posted on: 03 Nov 2022

Talk about Boundaries with GP Arabella Onslow

Emetophobia: Megan’s Story

Posted on: 16 Aug 2022

Emetophobia: Megan’s Story Megan’s story about her fear of sick, also known as Emetophobia

Ana & Me

Posted on: 22 Apr 2022

Ana & Me A short story about anorexia

Understanding Trauma Workbook

Posted on: 22 Apr 2022

Understanding Trauma


Posted on: 15 Apr 2022

Having an abortion could lead you to experience different emotions, including grief and depression. This is natural, and healing is possible. Mourning and the signs of grief after an abortion Feeling and expressing grief is a natural response to any perceived loss. For some people, the hormonal changes that occur after an abortion can cause… Continue reading Abortion

Supporting Someone who is Grieving

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

Losing a loved one doesn’t just disrupt a person’s life—it changes it forever. When someone you care about experiences the death of a loved one, it may be hard to know what to say or how to offer comfort and support. This is especially true if you have not yet gone through the loss of… Continue reading Supporting Someone who is Grieving

How to support a partner with Mental Health

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

While mental health can sometimes cause issues in a relationship, it can also strengthen a couple’s bond. Here’s how you can help a depressed spouse — and yourself — so you can get through the tough times, together. Signs your partner is dealing with depression Looking for early signs of depression in your partner can feel like… Continue reading How to support a partner with Mental Health

How to Trust

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

Knowing how to trust is rarely taught in life, and after being hurt once or multiple times we can lose trust in people or find it very difficult to trust. Here are some signs of trustworthy person. 10 telltale signs of a trustworthy person 1) They are consistent. … 2) They’re always willing to compromise.… Continue reading How to Trust

Types of Therapy

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

What different therapies are there? Talking therapies can differ in: their focus (for example, learning about more yourself by talking about your past, or working on overcoming a specific problem you have now) the techniques the therapist might use during sessions the academic theory behind them. Common types of therapy Therapists use all sorts of… Continue reading Types of Therapy

How to deal with a Break Up

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

How to survive a breakup and learn to live, love, and trust again Breaking up is never easy, even if you’re the one initiating the end of the relationship. First, there are a range of emotions to contend with, some of which may last longer than others. There are also short-term and long-term steps you… Continue reading How to deal with a Break Up

Angry at my Family

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

Anger is an emotion we need to listen to if we are to better care for ourselves and our loved ones.  Anger is usually indicative of getting close to reaching, or having reached one’s capacity, so action is needed to regain balance.  Too many people grew up with the message that anger is bad, hence… Continue reading Angry at my Family

Bullying in the workplace

Posted on: 02 Apr 2022

Recognising bullying in the workplace Bullying can occur in a number of different ways.Some are obvious and easy to identify. Others aresubtle and difficult to explain. Examples of bullyingbehaviour include: — ignoring views and opinions— withholding information which can affect aworker’s performance— setting unreasonable or impossible deadlines— setting unmanageable workloads— humiliating staff in front of… Continue reading Bullying in the workplace

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